lost

lost

“what if.. what if we won’t last long? what if, she is the one that destined to be with you? and what if i can’t forget you?” i asked.

“i-i’m sorry, i don’t know.”

i bit my lower lip; strived so hard from resisting the temptation of myself to cry. yeah, just don’t know. there’s no ‘don’t worry, you are mine. even destiny wouldn’t brave enough to tear us.’, there’s no ‘don’t be silly, what is she compared to you? even nobody compares to you.’.

is it just me, who loves you more, here? is-is the only reason you’re holding me, because you’re scared to be lonely? being the one who always love harder, tired me to my bones, i swear.

so, no. let me be done, with this.

“you’re still love me right?” you asked. i glanced at you.

i’m sorry. you know, i do.

“i don’t know.”

-debubintang.

A letter

A letter

hey, i hope you are doing fine. i write this for you, though the fact obviously you won’t find this word. i really hope i’m not annoying you, though it’s clearly to see i am.

these past few months i’ve been always wondering where did i do wrong? you treated me different like you used to, and even though i keep asking you what happened with us, you always tell me that we are okay. and i’m not blind to see that we are very broken inside.

i know, this kind of words are useless, but there’s one last thing important i want to tell you : i’m done trying. i’m done reaching out for you and get the same rejection again.

i’m done asking you what happened because i’m just a fool that deny the fact you hate me, because my own ego. i’m done jealous of everyone because you talk to them but me. i’m done wanting you to love me back again because you stopped long time ago, and i’m still here, watching you getting away from me. i’m tired for watching the broken us that won’t recover any again.

i’m done waiting for you to come back because you won’t.

i’m sorry for being such a pathetic that always wanting you to come back when you don’t want to. i’m sorry for keep begging you for our friendship. things are getting harder these days and i hope you are okay and you always be safe and sound.

i want you to know that i will always miss you and you will always be my friend, and anytime you need me, i will always be here for you.

sorry i’m a dumb person who lost you and regret it so bad. it was my biggest loss, i swear. i miss your dumb laugh, your cute smile, you treated me so right and now it feels so bad. i miss our sarcastic talk and our rant late night conversations. i miss us, i miss us. i really do.

thank you for a wonderful year we had, that was the best chapter through it all.

with love,

-debubintang,

23;11.

and if i could rewind the time, my only wish was not meeting you after all.

saat aku bukan lagi secangkir teh favoritmu

saat aku bukan lagi secangkir teh favoritmu

aku tahu masih terlalu dini untuk merasa gentar. 

tapi aku takut. 

aku takut, cepat atau lambat kamu akan gusar dengan segala rutinitas dan kebiasaan yang tidak pernah kita lupakan. 

aku takut, panggilan-panggilan manis kita akan berkurang lalu hilang. 

aku takut pesan-pesan singkatku kamu abaikan dan terbalas ratusan detik kemudian. 

aku takut kamu bosan, sementara aku tidak. 

aku takut kamu tahu mana yang lebih baik untuk kamu, sementara bagiku kamulah yang terbaik. 

aku takut kita meremang, redup, lalu hilang. 

karena kamu adalah bagian diriku yang aku temukan, sayang.


 debubintang



suka

suka

aku tidak menyukai kopi. baik manis maupun pahit. 

kafein membuat jantungku berdetak lebih keras. aku bahkan tidak menyukai ide itu, sama sekali.

aku tidak suka ketinggian. baik aman, apalagi jika tidak. 

rasa takutku akan ketinggian membuat jantungku berdetak dua kali lebih cepat. aku sangat takut. 

tapi aku suka caramu membuatku berdebar dengan tidak normalnya. mendengar suaramu memanggil namaku, melihat senyummu yang perlahan merekah, atau sekadar mendengar tawamu. 

aku suka kamu.


- debubintang